News / Press / The art of appreciation

The art of appreciation

Compliments are a weird and wonderful thing. We find it hard to accept them, we find it hard to give them, yet we thrive and feel great after both. It’s the easiest way to build relationships. It’s the quickest way to earn respect. It’s the best way to make someone feel appreciated. And yet, quite underestimated and, we think, under-done.

Giving compliments is a skill, and like all skills, it can be learned. Research has shown that people who give meaningful, appropriate compliments are perceived as being more confident, smart and powerful then those who don’t.

It takes a confident person to acknowledge the positive things in other people... and it’s not just that; it is impossible not to feel good after giving someone an honest, insightful compliment.

The great feeling you get from both giving and receiving compliments comes from one of our most basic human needs being filled. It’s connecting with someone else. It is a basic need that doesn’t get met often enough in our fast-paced, media-hyped, negative-slanted, technical world.

As managers, acknowledging the good work of your employees is a quick and easy way to boost confidence and lift spirits, making people more motivated and inclined to want to do better or repeat the great behaviour. At the same time though, managers also benefit greatly from appreciation, yet are less inclined to receive any. So why not tell your ‘boss’ how well you think they managed an awkward situation, or how you appreciate being able to approach them, or how you value their guidance.

You can also show your appreciation through your actions. When our MD went on holiday recently, we decorated her office and added lots of nice touches – she definitely felt very much appreciated when she returned to such a pleasant and thoughtful surprise.

The key to giving a great compliment is making it sincere, specific, and making it appropriate. It’s no good telling people all the time, (or expecting praise all the time for that matter); as there needs to be some difference between doing one’s job, and doing one’s job fantastically well. Compliments need to be sincere in order for them to be meaningful and have the biggest impact.

For example, the difference between saying: ‘Thanks for helping’ and; ‘thank you for your support, it was really helpful because I was having a hard time meeting the project deadline and you made it much easier’. (See below for some fool-proof compliments).

As for receiving compliments, we are programmed to be modest, and often land up almost denying our efforts. When you do this, on some level, you are rejecting the person giving you the compliment. Don’t! A simple ‘thank you’ will be just fine. And when you get really brave, a ‘thanks for noticing’, or ‘thanks, I really tried hard’ is great.

Find something positive to say… giving a great compliment in two easy steps:

Step 1.

Decide on what you like about the person
For example:
Kind
Fair
Helpful
Honest
Reliable
Friendly
Brave
Hard worker
Good sport
Concern for others

Start with the word ‘you’ because remember, giving a compliment is about others For example:
You,
... have a great way with words.
... are a terrific leader.
... make working on a project a joy.
... are very creative.
... are fun to be with.
... have a great reputation.
... are clever.

Step 2.

Now add a specific example of why you think so.
For example:
“You are a very reliable person.” (What you like about them from step 1)
“Whenever we have to work on a project, like the Smith presentation last month, I know I can depend on you to be thorough, complete, and timely with the research.”

11 September 2007